When Bea Dazzler (Tria Connell) first asked me if I’d like to participant in the annual Faux Queen Pageant held in San Francisco, I frantically flapped about trying to decide what my “talent” could be for this event.
Dancing, miming, a bit of burlesque? I don’t know any circus moves and my core strength is a bit rubbish… So I’ve decided to SING. Yes I will sing on my own, not in a choir, not in the shower, not in a private Japanese Karaoke room.
I spent a good while googling songs which I could do in drag and came across this fabo piece by Katie Thompson about a waitress who hates her job and simply feels she is far too beautiful to work in such a shitty occupation.
I too have worked in shitty jobs! The Cactus Grill in high school where my boss would spy on us from the mezzanine floor and send phony customers to check how much we were smiling. I was 16, so obviously I didn’t smile ever! I swore off all fried foods and got very annoyed with customers who would bring back their nachos because they didn’t like the melted cheese sauce that my boss had insisted we switch to. That oozing yellow liquid came in a big plastic bag and we microwaved it then squeezed it into the bain-marie to sit all day. After a little while it would collect a nice skin. YUM (vom!) It was often my job to peel back the nacho cheese skin to give the illusion of freshness! My other glamorous task was to scrub the fridge seels with a toothbrush…
Later I worked at Coffee Club, which was actually a pretty good job even though I spent a very long time as the dishpig. My bosses were kind to me and gave me holiday work while I was at Uni. I was mostly hung over when I worked there and relied on wheatgrass shots from the Boost Juice next door and free espresso to keep me going. My favourite memories include the lady who put a comically large piece of glass in the very last bite of her lemon tart, returned to the counter and demanded a new one. I could never forget the man who got very angry at us, saying that his wife’s hair smelled like cheese since walking past the store, and demanded we pay for her hairdresser appointment. He tried to take a knife from the kitchen to threaten us but our chef was too quick for him and then my South African boss chased him through the shopping centre.
I’ve worked a few other jobs in my time, some crappy and some rewarding and fun. I never felt that I was too beautiful to work as a dishy or waitress but I’ve known people who do think like that and I enjoy the jokes in the song. I think that Agorafauxbia would feel she is too glamorous and too fabulous to peel back nacho cheese skin and wash left over quiche off endless piles of plates.